Got a Bad one ?
E-mail me with it and I'll share.
Goin' Fishin
Grandpa & his grandson were in the backyard digging worms to go fishing, when finally,
the grandson saw a worm sticking about halfway out of a hole. The grandson grabbed hold of
the worm and pulled it out the rest of the way. Grandpa said, "I'll bet you a dollar
you can't put that worm back in the hole." The grandson thought about it for a
moment, then turned and ran into the house. Soon he came back with a can of hairspray,
thoroughly coated the worm, making it stiff as a board. Then he gently slid the worm back
into the hole. Grandpa shrugged and handed him a one dollar bill. The next morning, the
grandson was sitting on the front porch when Grandpa came out of the house and held out
another one dollar bill and said, "here's a dollar son." The grandson said,
"But Grandpa, you already gave me a dollar for the bet. "Grandpa said, "I
know, but this one is from grandma."
THE LIFE OF AN EGG
So you think your life is bad... Just think how bad the life of an egg is...
You only get laid once You only get eaten once It takes 4 minutes to get hard
and 2 minutes to get soft You have to share a box with
11 other guys
THE HANGOVER
I woke up early one morning, The earthlay cool and still When suddenly a tiny
bird, Perched on my window still. He sang a song so lovely, So carefree
and
so gay That slowly all my thoughts, Began to slip away. He sang of far
off places, of laughter and of fun It seemed his very trilling WAS
CALLING UP THE SUN I stirred beneath the covers, Crept slowley out of
bed And gently lowered the window, And crushed his fucking head.
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS "YOU Don't know Jack Schitt..."
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnat
married Oh Schitt, the owner of the Knee Deep Schitt Inn. Jack Schitt married Noe
Schitt and they produced six children.
Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after childbirth. Next came twin sons,
Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt; two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, and another
son, Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, an high school drop out. Dip
Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and
Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg
Schitt, Byrd Schitt, and Horace Schitt.
Bull Schitt just married a spicy number, Pisa Schitt, and they are awaiting the
arrival of Baby Schittl
NOW YOU KNOW JACK SCHITT !!!!!!!
Heard in a chat room recently : "You may be a redneck if someone yells
"hoe-down" and your date hits the floor"
The Canadians wanted to find out why the head of the penis is bigger than the shaft. they
spent hundreds of dollars and two years of research and discovered that is was way to
provide more pleasure for the female. The Germans wanted to do a test of their own to
answer this perplexing question. three years and a million dollars latter, they concluded
that the reason the head is bigger than the shaft is to provide more pleasure for the male
The Americans decided to run their own test to answer this question . Seventy two dollars
and three days later
, they had the answer......... To keep the hand from flying off and hitting them in the
face.
Know Your Audience:
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her and her
parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would
like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had
sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps
the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and
sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a
3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks
he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at
the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for
you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner
table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows
his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Ten
minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head
down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your
father was a pharmacist."
Giving Birth the Modern Way:
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their
arrival, the doctor said he had invented a ne machine that would transfer a portion of the
mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were
both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters,
explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever
experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the
doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20
percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the
husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they
decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was
obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the
pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband
were ecstatic. When they got home, they found the mailman dead on their porch.
Pierre The Fighter Pilot:
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant
little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans
over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs
a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing,
Pierre?", says the startled Marie. "I'm Pierre the fighter pilot? When I have
red meat, I like to have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing. When things
began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero tears
her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her chest.
"Pierre! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre the
fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!" They resume their
passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and
whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a
bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie
shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and
screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Our
hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! And when I go
down, I go down in flames!"
THE COMPREHENSIVE SHIT LIST
Ghost Shit--The kind where you feel the shit come out but there is no shit in the
toilet.
Clean Shit--The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is
nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Shit--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it feels unwiped so you
have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin
your pants with a stain.
Second Wave--It happens when you're done shitting and you've pulled your pants up to
your knees and you realize you have to shit some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead Shit--The kind where you strain so much you practically
have a stroke.
Richard Simmons Shit--You shit so much you lose 30 pounds.
Lincoln Log Shit--The kind that is so huge you're afraid to flush without breaking
it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Gassy Shit--It's noisy and everyone within earshot is giggling.
Corn Shit--Self explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Shit Shit--The kind where you want to shit, but all you can do it
on the toilet, cramp and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Shit--That's when it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear it was leaving
you sideways.
Wet Cheek Shit(The Power Dump!)--The kind that comes out of your butt so fast your
cheeks get splashed with water.
Liquid Shit--The kind where yellowish brown liquid shoots out and splatters all over
the toilet bowl.
Mexican Food Shit--It smells so bad the room must be condemned.
Upper Class Shit--The kind that thinks their shit doesn't smell.
Fisherman's Bobber Shit--The kind where you are in a public restroom, there are two
people waiting on your stall, you shit and flush two times, but several golf ball
size pieces are still floating at the water line.
Ambush Shit--The kind that never happens at home, but usually at a party or while
playing golf. It is the result of trying to
fart—just a little, but you end up with trouser chili and you walk bow-legged
for the rest of the day.
Drunken Shit--The kind you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's
most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Champagne Shit--You're so constipated that by the time the cork blows, a bubbly
liquid streams from your ass.
Kling-On Shit--The kind where, when you go to wipe it, it's there waiting on the
edge.
Blow Out Shit--The shit that's proceeded by a fart so vicious, you have to check the
bowl afterwards to make sure there are no cracks.
Exorcist Shit--The kind where yellowish-brownish liquid shoots out of your ass and
burns your ass while it splatters all over the toilet. (See Liquid Shit)
Peek-A-Boo Shit--It comes halfway out, then it goes back in, comes back out, goes
back in, etc.
Pregnancy Shit--The kind where you're really backed up and it makes you grunt and
wheeze for a long while until it finally splits your crack in a child bearing
fashion.(See Pop a Vein Shit,
Spinal Tap Shit)
Rabbit Shit--It comes in cute, round portions, but there loads of it about. Actually,
you're never really finished, but sat some point from boredom.
Alphabet Shit--It comes leisurely, with one or a few breakaways, and when you look
at it you think: "Doesn't that just look like the letter ...?"
Feminist Shit--No matter what it looks like or how it comes out, it's a man's
fault.
Blowtorch Shit--Shit that burns your ass so much, you'd swear that it's flammable.
(usually occurs morning after eating WAY too much spicy food)
Dual Density Shit--The kind where some shit floats and some shit sinks to the bottom
of the bowl.
Ribbon Shit--A semiliquid fecal matter that is too thin to be a
Lincoln Log Shit but not runny enough to be a Liquid Shit.
Rather, it looks like a 1 inch wide piece of brownish fettuccine, with some specks
of color.
The Public Shit--Shit that reminds your senses of the warm, moist stench that embraces you
when you enter a less than sanitary public restroom.
Little Boy Shit--Shit powerful enough to level a small city.
Flood Shit--You shit so much that it acts like a huge sandbag and end up flooding
your bowl and running out all over the place, leaving you to clean up a brown,pasty mess.
(Add a bonus point if John Mellencamp does a relief concert to help cleanup
efforts)
Dream Shit--When you haven't been to the toilet in 14 days, this is the shit that
you'll be dreaming about.
Concrete Shit--This is what you'll drop after you haven't been to the toilet in 14
days.
Surgery Shit--After the Concrete shit, you'll have to go into surgery because your
ass is torn apart so badly.
Why did cavemen drag their woman by the hair? cause,, if they drug them by their feet,,
they'd fill up with dirt
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1
REPEATEDLY!!!! If you are codependent, press 2 for someone else. If you have multiple
personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who
you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are
schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If
you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer! If
you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are
holding on theside of your head is alive and about to bite off you ear!
One day a blind baby rabbit and a blind baby snake bumped into each other. "Hey,
watch where you're going". "No, you watch where you're going". "I
can't, I'm blind". "Hey, me too. What are you?". "I don't know, what
are you?". "I don't know... How about we check each other out and see if we can
figure out what we are?". "OK, me first". The snake comes over to the
rabbit and starts checking him out: "You're warm, and soft, and furry, and you've got
these long ears, and a nose that wiggles...I think you're a rabbit!".
"Yes!" the rabbit exclaims "I'm a rabbit, YEHHH !!". "Yes you
must be, now my turn, come check me out!!" The rabbit
then starts checking out the snake: "Ooohh...you're cold, with beady little eyes and
a tongue that's going about 100 mph..." "Oh fuck!" exclaims the snake,
"I must be a lawyer!".
A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup. The next day the doctor calls him back to the
office and says "I have some really bad news for you. I have checked this result with
several of my colleges and we have come to the same result. I'm sorry to say you only have
one more day to live." The guy is shocked. He ends up in a bar for the remainder of
the day trying to decide what he should do for the remaining day of his life. He finally
decides he will go home and make wild and passionate love to his wife before he leaves
this earth. When the guy gets home that evening he sneaks into the bedroom and takes off
all his clothes and crawls into bed. For three hours he has sex like he has never had sex
before. After he is finished he is completely exhausted and crawls to the bathroom,
completely spent. Upon opening the bathroom door he is surprised to see his wife in the
bathroom with a mudpack over her face. He asked puzzledly "How did you get in
here." His wife then says "SHHH!!! You'll wake my mother..."
I'm Going To Be A Builder When I Grow Up Did you hear about little Jimmy? He is four years
old. He was bugging Mother so she said, "Jimmy, why don't you go across the street
and watch the builders work. Maybe you'll learn something." Jimmy was gone about 2
hours. When he came home his Mother asked him what he learned. Jimmy replied, "Well,
first you put the God damn door up, then the son of a bitch doesn't fit, so you have to
take the shit head back down. Then you have to take a hair off each side and put the
Mother fucker back up."
Jimmy's Mother said, "you wait till your Dad comes home." When Jimmy's dad got
home, mom told him to ask Jimmy what he learned across the street. Jimmy told his dad the
whole story. Dad said, "Jimmy, you go outside and get the whip." Jimmy replied,
"Fuck you, that's the Electrician's job."
This guy walks into a bar and has a little monkey on his shoulder. The man walks up to the
bartender and orders a beer. The monkey jumps off his shoulder and goes to the pool table
where he swallows the cue ball whole. The bartender gets angry and asks the man what's
going on. The man says, "I'm very sorry, that monkey will eat anything." A week
later the guy with the monkey comes into the bar again. The monkey jumps off the man's
shoulder and runs over to a table where he picks up a grape, shoves it up his butt, takes
it back out and then eats it. The bartender asks the man what that was all about. The man
says, "Well, he still eats everything in sight, but after the cue ball, he test
fits everything first."
Mrs. Jones began to get nervous when dark fell and her husband hadn't returned from his
regular Saturday golf game. Dinnertime came and went and she became more and more nervous.
So when she heard his car pull in she rushed out to the driveway. "Where have you
been? I've been worried sick!" she exclaimed. "Harry had a heart attack on the
third hole" he explained. "Oh no, that's terrible!", "You're telling
me." moaned her husband. "All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the
ball, drag harry ..."
Doc?
One day, Ken complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a
doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a computer at the drug
store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a
sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can
do about it. It only costs $10.00." Ken figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled
a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he
poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noises and
the various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper
on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy
labor. It will be better in two weeks. Late that evening while thinking how amazing this
new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if
this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap
water, a
stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he
masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine,
poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noise and
printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your
dog has
worms. Give him vitamins. Your daughter's using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation
clinic. Your wife's pregnant - twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you
don't stop jerking off, Your tennis elbow will never get better.
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing
hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing
weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing. The next day, the man comes
back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing
wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber,
anyway? So he tells his clerk "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes." Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the
condom, starts cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy. About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store. "Did you follow him?
Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist. The clerk replies "Your
house."
A small Boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "not until
you feed the animals. The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don' feel like
feeding you today." So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the
pig. The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry. His mother
said, "I saw you kick the chicken so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the
cow so you're not getting any milk and I saw kick the pig so you're not getting any
bacon." Just then the boy' father walked down the steps and tripped over and kicked
the cat and the boy said," Mom should I tell him?"
A 80 year old man went the Doctor to get a physical. When the doctor got done he said I
can't find a thing wrong with you. How old was your Dad when he passed away? DID I SAY MY
DAD WAS DEAD? Do you mean to tell me your dad is still alive, how old is he? He is a 101
years old. Man that is great how old was your Granddad when he passed away? DID I SAY MY
GRANDDAD WAS DEAD?. Do you mean to tell me your Granddad is still alive, how old is he?
He's a 123 and getting married next week. Well I can't imagine anyone 123 years old
wanting to get married. DID I SAY HE WANTED TO GET
MARRIED.............................................
QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?
ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask: The Catholic
Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed
in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty
characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as
"breast," "sex" and
"contraception." The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and
its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different,
higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become
numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case. The
20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if
they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same. The Mac
user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to
PC hell. you're using a PC, you can probably
see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also. Stephen King's explanation:
Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears
the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and
all. Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek,
Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so
flammable, while cheap imitations are non flammable. I'm not making this up. IBM's
explanation: The characters are
not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to
delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them.
Get a life. PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You've been
DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS
while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!
A Microsoft Joke : There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a
couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through
thick fog with less than 10m visibility with instruments went out. So he began circling
around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and
the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and
he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the
plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this,
the solitary office worker replies
"You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn
and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away.
Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out. The passengers are
amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the
guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but
absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the
airport is just a while away."
It may be time to seek professional counseling if... E-mail Deficiency Depression (EDD)
forces you to e-mail yourself. You lie, even to user-friends, about how long you were
online yesterday. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to
the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3. And even your night dreams are in HTML. You
rate eating establishments not by the quality of the food, but by the availability of
electrical outlets for your PowerBook. You find yourself typing "com" after
every period when using a word processor.com You turn off your modem and get this awful
empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER PUT ON YOUR RESUME I regret that I have no references,
unfortunately every company I have ever worked for has since closed down. I'll kill myself
if I don't get a job My turn ons include...My lawyer told me that a steady job would help
my case
The three drunk cowboys went to town every night and they went the local saloon. They
visited with there friends, listen to the piano player and watched the girly show. and
when the saloon closed every night they would run out of the saloon and jump up on their
horses and ride home. They lived about ten miles from town. They would pass out on the way
home. The horses knew the way home and when they stop in the barn the cowboys would fall
off the horses and sleep in the hay on the floor. They were getting up later and later
every day and the ranch was getting run down. And the horses were getting run down too
because they were left overnight with there saddles,blankets,reins and all on overnight
and not being rub down,
fed or watered.One morning they realized this. They talked it over and decided that they
couldn't quit drinking all at once. They thought that if they just got tight instead of
drunk theywould be able to get along better. So that night when they got to the saloon
they had no more than walked in the door, when a guy at the poker table got shot for
cheating and they asked one of the three cowboys to sit in and he did. the other two
listen to the piano player,watched the girly show and got tight and decided to go. They
went over to the guy playing poker and said that they were tight lets go home. The guy
playing cards had more too drink than they did and was all ready drunk. He said no no the
deal was we would go home when we got tight and I'm a long way from there yet. So the
other two went out side to leave, and being tight they decided to turn the other guys
saddle around and they did. They rode on home and when they got there, they took the
blankets, saddles and reins off they rub them down and fed and watered them. They walked
up to the house and there sat the other cowboy sitting backwards on his horse just drunk
as hell. They ask him how he had gotten home so fast. Well he said I come running out of
the saloon and jumped on my horse and somebody had CUT HIS HEAD
OFF,SO I STUCK MY FINGER IN HIS JUGULAR VEIN TO KEEP HIM FROM BLEEDING TO DEATH AND DO
KNOW HE CAN RUN FASTER BACKWARDS THAN HE CAN FRONTWARD...............
Farmer buys several pigs wanting to make bacon, ham, etc.After a few weeks he decides to
call the vet. He asks the vet how to make the pigs pregnant. The vet suggest artificial
insemination. The farmer has no idea what he is talking about but does not want to show
his ignorance. He ask the vet how would he know if the pigs were pregnant. The vet
informed him they would stop standing and begin wallowing in the mud. After he hangs up,
the farmer comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to fuck
the pigs himself. So, he load them in the back of the truck and heads out to the woods.
There he fucks each pig and returns to the farm and gets a night's rest. Waking the
next morning he sees the pigs still standing. One more time, he tells himself. He loads
all the pigs back in the truck and heads back to the woods. This time he fucks each pig
twice, returns to the farm and gets a night's rest. Waking the next morning, he sees the
pigs still standing. The third time has to be the
charm....He once again loads the pigs into the truck and heads for the woods. There he
fucks them all day long!! Totally exhausted, he returns to the farm and falls fast asleep.
Waking the next morning, he is too tired to get out of bed. He ask his wife to look out
the window and see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud. His wife looks out the window,
turns and says...."No, they are in the back of the truck and one of them is honking
the horn"!!
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the
human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer, Just look at all the
joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a
civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
area?"
Top Ten Reasons for San Diego Web Cult Suicides:
10: Their Domain got screwed up by InterNIC.
9: They're waiting for a Frames page to finish downloading in their next life.
8: Last resort publicity stunt to raise traffic on their websites..
7: Microsoft coming out with similar web pages next month
6: Sued over use of domain "viveka.com" by dog-food company
5: Couldn't read email because their local AOL POP was always busy
4: When they got on, they read one too many spam emails.
3: Then they got less money back from AOL because they actually got on...
2: Suddenly realized, "Hey, this Web stuff is stupid!"
1: Couldn't bear the pain of another major Windows upgrade.